"Once you willingly embrace that seemingly broken part - you become whole." - Tosha Silver
This quote found me yesterday as I was reading 'Change Me Prayers' (read it!) It hit on a question I've been pondering for awhile now - is it time for a different therapeutic conversation? And I think the answer is YES.
Just the other day my wife and I were perusing a bookstore and per usual I found myself browsing the 'self-help' section when something blatantly caught my attention. The section title on the top of the bookshelf no longer read 'Self-Help' and in its place was this - 'Living Your Best Life'. I did my best not to jump up and down in the aisle but I was really excited about this! So the conversation has already begun to shift.
Shift how? From a conversation about how broken you are to a conversation about how divinely human you are.Now it isn't as simple as speaking affirmations, praying, or embracing your strengths. All awesome practices but they forego looking at your roots or your personal truths.
I strongly feel we need something in the middle. We need something between embracing our traumas and cultivating our passion. We need something that blends understanding our past and simply moving forward.
We can't forget where we come from because it is quite literally how you see the world.
We can't just move on expecting things to magically be different.
Where is the middle ground? How do we do both/and? How do you give respect to where you come from and let yourself dream about where you want to go? How do you keep one from defining the other?
The traditional therapeutic conversation has one BIG wall - it assumes you're broken and need to be fixed.
The traditional coaching conversation has one BIG wall - it pretends you were born today and just want to move forward.
You can't live in the past. You can't just magically live a completely different life.
SO if you want to change your life, stretch your comfort zone, take a leap, heal, dream, or forgive - Where do you turn?
I don't actually have an answer for you. I more or less am just starting to ask this question myself. I bring this up because as I lean into the fullness of my work I'm seeing some pretty strong themes. I get to see the most incredible strengths in my clients and I get to be there to hold space when things are hard. It's an honor and it begs that the conversation support what's really needed.
Here's what I have so far...
- You want a healthy, intentional, conscious, loving, and accepting relationship with your SELF.
- You want to understand, heal from, and release any story, fear, resentment, or unresolved part of your life. You may never forget, and you don't need to, but you want to learn and bring your lessons to your life to serve your highest good.
- You want clarity and direction around what it is you DO want for your life and to trust in yourself to make it happen.
- You want to grant yourself permission to understand, try on, and play with the pieces of yourself you've kept hidden or quiet.
- You're willing to practice vulnerability but it's a bit scary and you aren't sure how to stay safe in turning toward the more vulnerable parts of your life.
- At the end of the day you want to be happy. You don't necessarily want to be defined by your wounds and you don't always want to strive for improvement.
- You get that life is a constant ebb and flow and you want to move with the natural flow of your life. You see that it can't always be perfect and at the same time it doesn't need to hurt.
What do you think about this list? Doing the work and examining your life is SO fulfilling. I wish this for everyone. I mean a real, raw examination of your beliefs, your fears, your desires, your losses, and your plans. And I beg that you don't go through this alone.
I believe now after 5 years as a coach, hundreds of hours of education, and almost 1,000 hours of conversations with my clients this I know to be true - you want to be seen, heard, understood, and above all else, LOVED.
You want to know you matter.
You want to do the work and sometimes you want to quit. I honor both because it's all part of the process!
I believe this is what is really means to answer your calling. It means to let all the contents of your life spill out before you. To keep what you love, to release what you don't, to trust and have faith in yourself, and to really explore why you're here. Explore who you are and what you are. Step into the pieces of you that terrify you AND inspire you at the same time.
This I can promise - when you do, you will literally be AH-mazed by life.
Changing this conversation can't just be done as your coach - it's a co-created experience. I invite you to help me change the conversation. I've put together a very short survey and I would LOVE and greatly appreciate your insight. Click the link below and let's do this!
In light and love,