On changing my dream
This photo was taken in 2014. This was my desk. I say "desk" loosely because it was really our dining room table. Whenever we had company or sat down for dinner I would pack it all away. But it was my space and I sat here every day in the beginning even though I had no clue what I was doing.
I was a coach.
I was a journal writer.
I had a website.
I think I had some social media accounts.
I might have had one or two clients.
But I didn't know myself.
I had just left a business I helped open with my partner but that dream was crumbling, fast. While that company would go on to flourish I had gotten lost along the way. This was the same year as my spiritual awakening, the year I turned 30, and the year I decided to give my own business one last go.
I was banking on hope but it would be years between sitting down at this dining room table and actually believing that success was possible for me, let alone trusting it.
Here's the thing - I never anticipated I would actually succeed. Up to this point I was accustomed to my ventures failing. I had a laundry list of businesses I had attempted and none of them survived. Why would this be any different?
I gave myself one year for this to work and also told myself not to hold my breath. See, I also didn't really believe in myself. But when you feel like you've run out of options you muster a different kind of motivation. It doesn't come from "out there" or pull you forward. This motivation was internal and it was beckoning me to really consider I might actually have a gift. I might actually be a great coach but it would take another 3 1/2 years to truly trust this.
The thing is, when we dare to do something different or be someone we don't fully know yet, we don't know what will happen. When I look back on those early months I don't fully recall what pulled me through. However, I do remember thinking that if there were ever a time to go "all in" on myself, now would be it.
It's the stuff we don't talk about because we can't measure it but without that choice to bet on me without someone telling me I was good enough to succeed I wouldn't be where I am today. It's so easy to miss, too easy really. How do you measure or even quantify feeling like you're worth adding who you are to the noise of whatever industry you're in?
I wasn't the first coach.
I wasn't the first woman service-provider.
I didn't invent journal writing.
I wasn't great at business yet.
I wasn't offering anything new or unique.
I was just a girl sitting at her dining room table making it up as she went along hoping people would take a chance on me. I don't think anyone would have taken a chance had I not gone first. This is the stuff we easily miss. No one can give you permission to answer your calling. And if they do, don't listen to them.
Your calling is a deeply personal thing. It is the thing that will shape you and channel your life. It is the thing that will bring the toughest lessons and largest bouts of inspiration. It is the thing that will challenge every part of your identity and ask you to let go.
And your calling is not predictable. You can't plan it or pre-determine it. It won't fit in a nice box or come in the form of a "unique value proposition". Nope. Your calling is wild, free, and creative. It will find expression through your life and at times it will feel like its too big. At times it will feel too small. At times it will feel too easy and sometimes way too difficult.
Just when I think I understand mine and I've got a handle on it, it slips right on through my fingers. And I am reminded that I am a steward of it, not the other way around.
Despite all of this, I know one thing for sure. We are always worthy of what calls us. Always. Your calling was built for you. Even if it doesn't always feel that way.
Although today I have a beautifully furnished office, a 6-figure coaching business, a multi-faceted array of offerings, and have checked off some of my bucket list dreams...I am still just that girl who in her heart of hearts is sitting at her dining room table hoping people will continue to take a chance on me. But I also know, I have to first.
No matter where you are on your path, whether you're just starting or growing or evolving, I hope you'll join this free event. I can't wait to share more on this topic.
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