6 reasons why you really can't lose weight
You can call it whatever you want, I could have written thin, smaller, fit, or simply why you’re not losing weight in the title, whatever the word or phrase you have in your mind I know what images it conjures up. The daily woes of having to make your closet work for your body type, again. The ongoing confusion as to why she can lose weight but you can’t. The food bartering system you play with yourself every day, or the recalling of how you feel at night because of what foods you consumed that day. If you are nodding along then I wrote this just for you. You are caught in a mixture of frustration, desire, apathy, determination, and sometimes sadness. As a woman who has been there and who co-owns a gym I see these emotions walk through our doors every single day. All of the fat loss experts will tell you to eat better, exercise more, lift weights, hire a personal trainer, and decrease your carb intake – stop me if you’ve heard this before.
The diet industry took in more than 20 billion in revenue in 2012; this included diet books, fitness programs, diet plans, pills, and surgeries. Over 108 million people try “going on” a diet each year, with the average person trying a diet five different times - and 85% of these people are women.
Something just doesn’t add up. With these numbers you should be skinny! But you’re not. And I know why, there is one common denominator in some of the best transformations I have ever witnessed.
I see something else happening that is keeping you from really being in the body you desire and it is going to surprise you a lot. I am not disagreeing with the experts because yes, you do need to be mindful of how you eat and how you move your body, but before ALL the logical fitness equations can work for you there is one crucial key element: confidence.
I can see the confusion on your face. “Isn’t confidence the thing I will attain when I lose the weight?” “Aren’t I doing this because I am not confident?” To be confident is actually defined as, “a feeling or consciousness of one's powers, faith that you will act in a right, proper, or effective way, and being certain you will succeed.”
Do you see what I see? Confidence is a trust or belief in the self. If you don’t believe it, you will not achieve it. How do I know you are lacking in self-confidence?
Because these are the real reasons why you’re not skinny…yet.
You continue to judge yourself
Your body is one smart cookie and it does not respond well to put-downs or judgments. When you browse the diet section of your bookstore, Google how to detox, look up how to lose fat quickly, or start counting and decreasing the amount of calories you intake dramatically all you are doing is placing judgments on yourself.
How you take your body back into your hands has to be out of love and self-care, not punishment. When you say to yourself, “You are too fat” or, “You are not good enough” and then you go looking for a quick fix what you are really saying to your body is, “I am ashamed of you, this diet is what you deserve now, this is your punishment.” Your body and your mind cannot give you want you want from a place of angry or criticism. You have to be able to say, “I care about your well-being and your happiness, and my gift to you is care and love.” That sets you on a transformative journey, not a diet.
You see it as an obstacle
The obstacle being that there is too much in your way keeping you from being thin. But what if this were the greatest opportunity of your life, would you consider it then? Let me explain –
‘What if I told you that you have the chance to wake up each morning with genuine happiness and pride for yourself, you would then go about your day excited to do your work, confident to fill your roles, and feeling sure of your goals, you would be living with purpose and be present enough to give to those who needed you and you would know how to ask for your needs in return. As a result of your self-assurance you would start to be offered things you’ve never had and new doors would open for you.’
Is this an opportunity you would like to take advantage of? Because if you so then you get to live your life with pride and happiness.
Your real obstacles are not knowing how to get started, feeling unsure where to begin, what the process will look like, or what sacrifices you will be making. You will be giving up things that have only taken away from your quality of living – aren’t you excited to let them go?
You don’t really believe it’s possible
Having faith that you are capable of doing what it takes and taking yourself through the process means accepting that you don’t know how it will look or what to expect. What’s happening is you’ve determined randomly how long it will take, how awful it will be, or what your body and mind are capable of before you’ve even started. Then when you are not seeing what you want what your body says to you is, “Well, you said it would take X number of years and be really awful, we haven’t gotten there yet so I am going to hold on to what I know.” Then you wonder, “Why am I not skinny yet?” Well, you placed a false sense of when and how because you don’t think it’s really possible and you can’t see yourself as a skinnier version of you. You are not the first person to try and lose weight and since our physiology is 99% the same you are also not unique so you can do it because it’s been done before.
Your pre-determined journey of how this will go is a façade of your fears telling you it’s not possible - let them go. The only thing holding you back is a lack of confidence in your ability.
You don’t want to take responsibility
You think your metabolism is just slow, that maybe you have a gluten intolerance, maybe your bones are bigger, or it runs in the family. Whatever the external excuse one thing is not happening – you are not taking total responsibility. Your body is the product of the life you’ve been living up to today. Just as your mind holds memories your body carries your decisions with it. There very well may have been a sudden change such as a trauma, loss, or break-up that you did not see coming and no I am not asking you to take responsibility for that, but I am asking you to take responsibility for how you responded.
You are equipped with one of the greatest powers in the world, and that is choice. Why would you choose to be passive about this? Choice is brilliant because it means you can achieve anything you choose to. Choose to take responsibility and choose to be in control of your choices. Choose the life you want. Choose not to ignore the signs, and choose to be a confident woman regardless of what you think you know up to know. Whether you are aware of it or not you are making choices right this instant – take your awareness back and be present with your choices.
You don’t think you’re good enough
This is likely going to be the hardest one for you to take in because it means that somewhere along the way you turned your head in shame and accepted failure. If you don’t think you’re good enough of course you’re not skinny yet. Skinny is something the worthy girls have, and you don’t think you’re worthy, right? Did you know that you don’t have to be in shape to get in shape? For many women who struggle to get started this is a very real obstacle.
The fear of truly not being good enough or equipped enough to move through getting your body healthy and happy again can stop you before you begin. We hear women each week warn us before their very first workout or coaching conversation that they aren’t very “coordinated” or they don’t know “how” to do what we are about to ask of them. You might feel so unprepared that you quit before you commit to learning – but of course you don’t know how! That’s ok – be kind to yourself and trust that you are capable. It might be hard, but you are still capable.
“If you say you’re worthy you are, and if you say you’re not worthy then you’re not. Either way you will live out your story.” –T. Harv Eker
You will bring about what you think about. You have that much power at your fingertips every single day. I wish it weren’t as simple as you being the one that’s holding you back but it is. I didn’t say it was easy but it certainly is simple.
You feel guilty
You feel so bad about where you are that it’s frozen you in place. You may have ignored taking responsibility or passively decided that you were not capable and now you are living with your choices. Feeling bad can keep you from trying again, even if for the very first time. You have to forgive yourself before you can move forward. You are not a failure, you are not stupid, and you are not broken, you just got lost in your own shuffle. Forgive yourself and move on or be stuck in your cycle of guilt forever.
Guilt gives you permission to continue giving in. I’ve heard it referenced as the Blown Tires Syndrome – if you pop a tire and are stranded on the side of the road do you A) Ask for help, put the spare on, and go get it taken care of OR do you B) Feel so bad that you go ahead and pop the other three tires? Of course you don’t choose B, because that would be ridiculous!
But ladies, this is what you have been doing because you feel so bad that you got here in the first place. You cannot and will not experience a new you or a different result if you continue to sit on the side of the road feeling bad about your choices – move on.